MALIBU, CA – In a move that has left her concerned neighbors and local animal welfare groups utterly baffled, actress Megan Fox has reportedly purchased an entire struggling zoo to use as a private sanctuary for her rapidly expanding collection of rare and dangerous exotic pets.
Witnesses in the quiet Malibu suburb where Fox resides claim they’ve grown accustomed to the unusual sight of the 36-year-old Transformers star strolling casually down the sidewalk, leading a veritable menagerie of exotic animals on leashes – including lions, tigers, a towering giraffe, and even the occasional kangaroo.
“At first we were all kind of taken aback, you know? Seeing Megan Fox just casually walking a full-grown tiger down the street like it’s a golden retriever,” said longtime neighbor Harold Wilkins. “But I guess when you’re a mega-famous Hollywood actress, the rules just don’t apply to you the same way. Now it’s just a regular Tuesday around here.”
When pressed for comment, a seemingly unfazed Fox casually explained that her current residence and backyard simply can’t accommodate her ever-growing collection of rare and exotic creatures anymore.
“My little house and yard just aren’t cutting it these days,” Fox told reporters with a casual shrug. “I’ve got my regular dogs and cats, sure, but then there’s also the two-headed cobra, the family of Burmese pythons, that adorable baby elephant I’ve been meaning to get, not to mention the entire aviary of endangered bird species. It was time to get serious and get them a proper home.”
And so, the actress proceeded to do what any multimillionaire Hollywood celebrity would do in such a situation – she quietly purchased a struggling local zoo, located just a few miles from her Malibu estate, lock, stock, and barrel.
“I have to admit, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing,” said Marvin Gunderson, the zoo’s former owner, who claims he had been struggling to keep the facility afloat for years before Fox swooped in and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. “One day I’m just trying to scrape by, running this dingy little zoo, and the next Megan Fox is standing in my office, writing me a blank check and telling me she wants the whole thing. It’s absurd.”
But for the unwavering Fox, the transition has been anything but stressful. In fact, the actress has been excitedly overseeing a complete overhaul of the zoo’s facilities, constructing lavish new habitats and enclosures for her ever-growing menagerie while also building an opulent mansion for herself right on the zoo grounds.
“This is where I belong, you know?” Fox said wistfully, pausing to hand-feed a snarling Bengal tiger through the bars of its gleaming new exhibit. “With my family. My little zoo family.”
When asked about the ethical concerns and potential dangers posed by a private Hollywood celebrity maintaining such a vast collection of exotic and wild animals, Fox dismissed the criticism with a casual wave of her hand.
“Oh, please. These animals are safer and better cared for here than they ever would be in some stuffy public zoo,” she scoffed. “Have you seen the types of conditions they keep those poor creatures in? No, no, my babies are living the high life. Imported gourmet meat, custom-designed habitats, 24/7 access to the world’s top veterinary care. What more could they want?”
Fox went on to describe her plans for further expanding the zoo’s offerings, hinting that she’s already in talks to acquire a pair of rare Sumatran rhinoceros, as well as a small herd of endangered African elephants. She’s even started inviting her celebrity friends to come “hang out” at the private zoo, turning it into an exclusive Hollywood hotspot.
“This is my passion project, you know?” Fox said, beaming with pride as she fed chopped fruit to a flock of exotic birds. “I’m not just some dilettante collecting pets on a whim. This is my life’s work. My legacy. The Megan Fox Zoo – the premier exotic animal sanctuary for the modern age.”
At press time, sources confirmed that Fox had indeed finalized the purchase of a pair of extremely rare two-headed cobras, which she planned to house in a custom-built enclosure featuring a constant soundtrack of ambient whale songs.
