The PGA Tour has announced new rules for fans yelling out really stupid stuff after a player’s tee shot.
“We’ll be cracking down hard,” stated Bunker Hozelslicer, the new Director of Fans Yelling Out Stupid Stuff.
Apparently, the new rules go way beyond immediate ejection of the violating fan from the tournament.
“Yep, we’re gonna teach these dumb asses just how annoying they truly are,” added Mr. Hozelslicer. “Everyone hates ’em. It’s time to crack down.”
So, starting this weekend, if you are caught yelling any of the following: Ba-ba-booie, Mash Potatoes, or Light the Candle, you will be promptly handcuffed to a brightly decorated golf cart and driven to the most remote area of the golf course property, where you will be forced to listen to 2 solid hours of other dumb asses yelling stupid stuff at you through bullhorns. “Or anyone that wants to join in, really,” added Hozelslicer.
“If that doesn’t do it, you’ll be driving the range cart with the protective cage taken off,” added Hozelslicer. “One way or the other, they will learn that they are indeed the most annoying fans in all of sports. And we do not appreciate their unimaginative shout-outs.”
Almost all players, our man-on-the-scene Chip Fairway polled regarding fan shout-outs, agreed, “Yep, they suck ass.”
Also in the works is a plan to limit the number of ‘Go Tiger’ shout-outs to 10 per fan. “Yep, long overdue as far as I’m concerned,” said Hozelslicer. “I wanted to cut it to 5. Those folks gotta learn, Tiger ain’t gonna play no better just ’cause you yelled ‘Go Tiger’ in his face.”
So it seems the civilized sport of golf is going a little bit WWF on its fans. No word on if the punishments will be part of the televised coverage. But many hope they will be.
