LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND — In a groundbreaking announcement that’s already causing dramatic sighs across the athletic community, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) revealed Thursday that “Professional Eye-Rolling” will debut as an official sport at the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics, following the overwhelming success of athletes’ medal ceremony reactions.
The decision came after an extensive review of thousands of hours of footage showing silver medalists perfecting their craft during various Olympic ceremonies. “We’ve been ignoring this incredible display of athletic prowess for far too long,” said IOC President Thomas Bach, while demonstrating an impressive 270-degree eye roll. “Some of these athletes have been training their whole lives to show their disappointment in second place. It’s time we recognized their talents.”
The new sport will feature three distinct categories: Individual, Team, and Mixed Doubles Eye-Rolling, with scoring based on sass level, rotation degree, and emotional impact. Athletes can earn bonus points for complementary sighs and subtle head shakes, while maintaining crucial eye contact with judges.
“Finally, my true talent is being recognized,” said former silver medalist Sarah Johnson, who famously rolled her eyes so hard at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics that medical professionals were concerned she might have sprained her optical muscles. “I’ve spent years perfecting my technique of looking simultaneously disappointed and superior. Now I can put those skills to good use.”
The announcement has sparked a global rush to develop elite training facilities. The Swiss Eye-Rolling Academy, the first of its kind, has already begun recruiting former teenage champions as coaches. “Nobody rolls eyes better than a 15-year-old who’s just been told they can’t go to the mall,” explained head coach Marcus Weber. “Their natural ability is unmatched.”
Technical aspects of the sport will be monitored using advanced eye-tracking technology and slow-motion replay capabilities. The IOC has also introduced a revolutionary “sass coefficient” to ensure fair scoring across all events. However, controversy has already emerged over the use of performance-enhancing contact lenses, with some athletes claiming they provide unfair advantages in achieving maximum rotation.
The medical community has expressed concerns about potential health risks. Dr. Elena Rodriguez, a leading sports optometrist, warns about the dangers of competitive eye strain. “We’re seeing a concerning rise in what we call ‘attitude-induced astigmatism,'” she noted. “Athletes need to remember to warm up their orbital muscles properly before attempting any advanced maneuvers.”
The qualifying rounds will begin next year, with athletes required to demonstrate their eye-rolling capabilities in increasingly challenging scenarios, such as receiving participation trophies and hearing their competitors thank their parents in victory speeches.
“We’re witnessing the evolution of passive-aggressive athletics,” said sports scientist Dr. James Morton, wiping away a tear. “It’s beautiful.”
In a related development, the IOC is already considering additional events for the 2032 Olympics, including Synchronized Shoulder Shrugging and Competitive Side-Eye. Athletes interested in pursuing these emerging sports are encouraged to start training their facial muscles immediately and to maintain a healthy diet of daily disappointments.
For more information about getting involved in professional eye-rolling, the IOC has set up a dedicated hotline. However, callers report that the operators just keep sighing and asking if they really need to explain everything again.
At press time, several silver medalists were seen practicing their routines while reading this article, reportedly achieving new personal bests in orbital rotation.
