Trump’s New Campaign Slogan: ‘I’ll Make America Great Again… Or At Least Less Awful

MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning departure from his trademark hyperbole, former President Donald Trump unveiled his 2024 campaign’s new slogan Wednesday, promising supporters he would “Make America Great Again… Or At Least Less Awful,” marking what political analysts are calling “a revolutionary approach to strategic defeatism.”

Speaking to a crowd of somewhat enthusiastic supporters at his Mar-a-Lago resort, Trump explained his groundbreaking pivot to mediocrity. “Nobody knows less awful like I know less awful, folks. We’re going to lower expectations to levels nobody’s ever seen before, maybe ever in history,” Trump declared as confused supporters attempted to chant “MALAT” (Make America Less Awful Today) with varying degrees of success.

The former president’s new campaign strategy represents a stark departure from his previous promises of “American carnage” to “American slight improvement,” with merchandise vendors outside the rally hurriedly modifying MAGA hats to read “MALA” using what appeared to be correction fluid and markers.

Campaign manager Brad Parscale Jr. Jr., hired after the previous 12 campaign managers resigned, praised the innovative approach. “By setting the bar so low it’s practically a tripping hazard, we’re guaranteeing success,” he explained while adjusting a campaign poster that read ‘Trump 2024: Slightly Better Than Whatever This Is.’ “It’s like limbo, but for national aspirations.”

The campaign’s new policy platform reflects this commitment to achievable mediocrity. Trump promised to make gas prices “only somewhat painful” and pledged to reduce inflation to “just regular bad.” His border security plan aims to make the southern border “as secure as a moderately protective motorcycle helmet,” while his healthcare reform promises “coverage almost as good as Canada’s worst day.”

Dr. Eleanor Whitman, a political science professor at Harvard University, called the strategy “breathtakingly adequate.” “We’re witnessing the first presidential campaign in history to explicitly promise voters that things won’t get much worse,” she noted while updating her lecture slides on “The Evolution of Political Promises: From Hope to Cope.”

The announcement has sent shockwaves through the political establishment, with rival campaigns scrambling to adjust their messaging. The Biden campaign is reportedly workshopping the slogan “America: Could Be Worse,” while Florida Governor Ron DeSantis promised supporters he would “maintain current levels of awfulness” if elected.

Trump supporters at the rally expressed measured enthusiasm for the new direction. “It’s just so realistic, you know?” said Mary Hawkins, 52, wearing a freshly modified “Make America Less Awful” hat. “Last time he promised we’d be tired of winning, but now he’s promising we’ll be tired of being slightly less miserable. That’s growth.”

The campaign website, TrumpLoweringTheBar2024.com, featured a new line of merchandise including shirts emblazoned with shrugging emojis and bumper stickers reading “Trump 2024: Somewhat Better Than Nothing.” The site crashed briefly Wednesday evening due to what campaign officials described as “moderately heavy traffic, but nothing too impressive.”

As the rally concluded, Trump made one final pitch to his supporters: “Together, we’ll make America so moderately okay, your head will spin. Not too much spinning, just a gentle rotation. Nobody’s going to get dizzy, folks. That I can tell you.”

At press time, social media was ablaze with the trending hashtags #SlightlyLessAwful and #LoweredExpectations2024, while political pundits debated whether the strategy of promising minimal improvement could revolutionize modern campaigning or simply reflect the current state of American politics.