BUCHAREST, ROMANIA — In a stunning move that no one asked for, self-proclaimed “Top G” and part-time legal defendant Andrew Tate has officially announced his latest educational endeavor: Top G Prison Survival 101—an online course designed to help “real men” maintain dominance while serving time behind bars.
Tate, who is currently entangled in legal battles in Romania, has assured his followers that his latest incarceration stint was not an unfortunate turn of events, but rather a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to gain exclusive, high-value knowledge” that he is now generously offering at a discounted rate of 500 cartons of cigarettes or the prison equivalent of $10,000 USD.
“This isn’t a setback—it’s a strategic business move,” Tate explained in a video filmed from a dimly lit holding cell, where he was inexplicably shirtless. “The Matrix tried to break me, but instead, they gave me free housing, a free gym, and 24/7 access to my thoughts—exactly what an alpha male needs to sharpen his mind. So now, I’m passing that wisdom on to you.”
A Curriculum for the Strongest (and the Most Easily Scammed)
The course, reportedly designed to “turn any beta inmate into a Top G,” includes a comprehensive curriculum covering the most vital aspects of prison survival.
Module 1: “Shadowboxing in a 6×8 Cell – Because Real Men Stay Ready”
Tate kicks off the course by addressing the number one concern of any true alpha male: maintaining peak physical performance in an environment devoid of Bugattis and Instagram models. Students will learn how to shadowbox aggressively in their tiny cells, ensuring that they are always prepared for both real fights and imaginary ones with “the haters.”
“Your enemies could strike at any moment,” Tate warns, before demonstrating a right hook into thin air. “Even if they don’t, you should still stare at the wall and pretend they do. That’s the mindset of a Top G.”
Module 2: “How to Maintain Alpha Status in the Yard”
This lesson covers critical dominance techniques, including winning unblinking stare-downs with convicted felons, casually dropping push-up stats into conversations, and referring to the prison warden as ‘bro.’
“Respect is everything,” Tate lectures. “The moment you walk into the yard, you have two choices: assert dominance, or let the Matrix take your shoelaces.”
The lesson reportedly also advises students to “never show weakness,” though one source claims Tate was recently seen flinching when an inmate named Big Tony cracked his knuckles too loudly.
Module 3: “Negotiating with the Warden – The Hustler’s University Way”
In this section, Tate teaches inmates how to hustle their way into better conditions by using “persuasive” negotiation techniques, such as offering motivational speeches in exchange for extra commissary and attempting to bribe guards with Hustler’s University subscriptions.
“I sat down with the warden, looked him dead in the eye, and said, ‘Listen, bro. You need to escape the Matrix. You think you’re in charge, but you’re just a pawn.’ And boom—now I get an extra slice of bread at lunch,” Tate boasts in the course trailer. However, prison officials later confirmed that the only thing Tate actually received from this negotiation was a firm dismissal and a warning not to ‘alpha male’ the guards.
Module 4: “Women Don’t Exist Here, But You’re Still the Top G”
Perhaps the most groundbreaking lesson, this segment focuses on maintaining one’s self-image as a high-value male in an environment where the only female presence is a stern-faced prison psychologist taking notes on your delusions.
“You have to visualize success,” Tate explains, pacing his cell with the energy of a man who hasn’t been outside in weeks. “Some guys say, ‘Oh, but Andrew, there’s no Bugattis here, no yachts, no models.’ You know what I say? The bars on my window are just the doors to a luxury sports car. The concrete floor is my private jet runway. And the guards? They’re just bouncers at an exclusive club that I own. Mindset is everything.”
Testimonials from the ‘Top Gs’ Behind Bars
Despite Tate’s insistence that his course is changing lives, reviews from his fellow inmates paint a more complicated picture.
“This course is legit, bro. I started doing 300 push-ups a day, and now my arms are so big I can’t fit in my own jumpsuit,” said one prisoner who asked to be identified only as Lil Ricky.
Others, however, were less convinced.
“I tried his ‘Stare Down for Dominance’ technique, and now I owe three different guys cigarettes for my hospital bills,” admitted another inmate.
Prison officials have also expressed concern over Tate’s influence, noting that he has attempted to recruit followers into a “jail-exclusive” branch of Hustler’s University and is allegedly charging inmates for life advice in packs of ramen noodles.
Final Words from the Top G Himself
When asked if he had any final words for those considering joining the course, Tate smirked confidently at the camera and adjusted his non-existent cuffs.
“Most men wouldn’t last a day in my shoes,” he declared. “But I’m built different. If the Matrix wants me locked up, that just means I’m too dangerous for the outside world. And honestly? I like it this way. It’s just me versus the system, Top G style.”
As of now, the only thing standing between Andrew Tate and his full-fledged prison empire is the minor inconvenience of the prison itself. But as any Top G knows, the Matrix is temporary—push-ups are forever.
