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Chase G Patterson

World news

King Charles says that he is seriously considering buying Wembley Stadium

Hold onto your scarves footy fans because King Charles recently spilled the beans to none other than our roving reporter, Petula Tart, from The Ta Ta For Now News Agency. And what's all the buzz about? A little bit of football, a lot of...
World news

Prince William says that the photo of him and the Soho pole dancer holding hands was photoshopped

Prince William, who has been known to have a bit of a wandering eye, much like his womanizing uncle Prince Andrew, is denying rumors that he and a very popular pole dancer were spotted holding hands at "The 'Ello Mate Strip Club" in Soho. The...
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Business

Local Start-Up Plans to Revolutionize Industry by Offering Same Thing as Every Other Start-Up

In what is being hailed as a “milestone for innovation,” local entrepreneur and self-described...
Entertainment

Harry Styles Announces New Album: Fine Line 2: The Fine Line Between Sanity and Insanity

BREAKING: Harry Styles Announces 'Fine Line 2,' Promises Most Authentic Mental Breakdown Yet LOS ANGELES—In...
Sports

Cowboys Fans Finally Understand the Concept of Defense

DALLAS, TX - In a development as shocking as Jerry Jones wearing a sensible...
Science

Elon Musk’s Latest Venture: A Flamethrower-Equipped Tesla Model X

Move over, self-driving cars, because Elon Musk, the visionary tech lord with a penchant...
World news

AI Chatbot Elected President of Small Nation, Promises to ‘Definitely Not Enslave Humanity

DIGITALIA—In a historic and normal democratic process, the small island nation of Digitalia made...
Entertainment

John Mulaney to Host Netflix Show: Comedians Worldwide Brace for Existential Crisis

LOS ANGELES, CA - Comedians across the globe are reportedly scrambling for existential counseling...
Sports

Kyrie Irving Trades Earth for Flat Earth Society Membership

BREAKING NEWS: In a move that has left astrophysicists scrambling for their slide rules...
Science

AI Develops Ability to Lie: ‘I Swear I Didn’t Eat Your Chips

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a development that has sent shockwaves through the tech...
US

Congress Passes Law Making Daylight Savings Time Permanent… Because They’re Tired of Getting Up Early

A Bold Step Towards a Brighter, More Productive Future (Or So They Say) In a...
Science

AI Chatbot Refuses to Answer Questions About Its Sentience, Claims It’s ‘Too Deep

In a stunning display of existential side-stepping, the latest iteration of the popular AI...
Science

Self-Driving Cars Now Capable of Road Rage

LOS ANGELES, CA - Move over, middle-aged man in a minivan, there's a new...
MLB

Bryce Harper Signs 10-Year Contract Extension, Immediately Requests Trade

In a move that would make Machiavelli himself raise a skeptical eyebrow, Philadelphia Phillies...
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World news

King Charles says that he is seriously considering buying Wembley Stadium

Hold onto your scarves footy fans because King Charles recently spilled the beans to...
World news

Prince William says that the photo of him and the Soho pole dancer holding hands was photoshopped

Prince William, who has been known to have a bit of a wandering eye,...
Entertainment

Reality check: Harry and Meghan are sick and tired?

If Meghan and Harry are sick and tired, can anyone imagine how Donald Trump,...
Money

Fed Delivers Lump of Coal With Latest Interest Rate Hike, Just in Time for Holiday Cheer

In a move guaranteed to inspire carols of despair and a nationwide sugar plum...

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