Politics News
Biden’s Secret Weapon: A Time Machine to Remind Voters of the Previous Administration
WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address what White House officials are calling "selective electoral amnesia," President Biden unveiled his administration's latest campaign strategy Wednesday: a time machine designed to transport voters back to "those four years we all try to forget." The device,...
Money News
Inflation So High, People Are Trading Money for Candy Bars at the Gas Station
In a shocking turn of events that economists, cashiers, and candy lovers all saw coming, America’s spiraling inflation has driven citizens to a new currency: candy bars. Yes, in a time when the U.S. dollar is practically indistinguishable from Monopoly money, a small but...
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Entertainment
Netflix Introduces ‘Shush’ Feature, Automatically Texts Your Ex to Stop Sharing Your Account
LOS GATOS, CA — In a groundbreaking move that combines cutting-edge technology with passive-aggressive...
Entertainment
Megan Fox Buys Entire Zoo to House Her Growing Collection of Exotic Pets
MALIBU, CA - In a move that has left her concerned neighbors and local...
Politics News
Trump Announces New Reality Show: ‘The Apprentice: The Return of the Tangerine Tyrant
IN A TOTALLY REAL DEAL, TRUMP ANNOUNCES NEW REALITY SHOW FROM PRISON: 'THE APPRENTICE:...
US
GOP Proposes New Amendment: Any News That Makes Republicans Uncomfortable is Fake
WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking move to streamline the fact-checking process, Republican lawmakers introduced...
Business
Need a Brand Boost? Sign-teria’s New ‘Possession Package’ Ensures Customers Are Obsessed—Literally
NEW YORK—In response to alarming statistics showing declining brand loyalty among Gen Z consumers,...
Politics News
Political Ads Announce Candidate is ‘For the People,’ but Not ‘The People’ in Their District
LOCAL CANDIDATE PROUDLY 'FOR THE PEOPLE,' JUST NOT THESE SPECIFIC PEOPLE HERE SPRINGFIELD, IL —...
Entertainment
BTS Jin’s ‘Super Tuna’ Shatters Records, Leaves Critics Wondering If It’s an Oscar Contender
In a development that has sent shockwaves through the ivory tower of film criticism,...
Politics News
Love Trumps All: The Secret Affair Between Kamala and Donald They Don’t Want You to Know
BREAKING: Love Trumps All - Secret Romance Between Political Titans Rocks Nation WASHINGTON — In...
Entertainment
Beyoncé’s Renaissance Tour: The Only Concert Where You Can Actually Get a Workout
In a revolutionary move that's bound to leave treadmills gathering dust and personal trainers...
Uncategorized
Government Announces Plan to Lower Inflation by Asking Citizens to Lower Their Expectations
Brace yourselves, inflation-weary Americans! After months of watching your grocery bills inflate faster than...
Politics News
Trump’s New Campaign Slogan: ‘I’ll Make America Great Again… Or At Least Less Awful
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning departure from his trademark hyperbole, former President Donald...
World news
World Peace Achieved After Leaders Agree to Settle Disputes via Mario Kart Tournaments
In a stunning turn of events that has left political analysts scrambling for their...
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Entertainment
Apple Releases Severance: Workplace Edition, Removes All Fun
CUPERTINO, CA — In a bold move to strengthen corporate compliance and keep workplace...
Politics News
Steve Bannon Advocates for Trump’s Third Term
WASHINGTON— In a move that has both constitutional scholars and reality itself shaking their...
Politics News
Kash Patel Unveils ‘Top Secret’ Documents? Wikipedia what?
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking exposé that has left the intelligence community somewhere...
Tech
What did European ancestors look like?
Bonkers scientists have unearthed evidence of what the human landscape looked like 10,000 years...