Politics News
Biden’s Secret Weapon: A Time Machine to Remind Voters of the Previous Administration
WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address what White House officials are calling "selective electoral amnesia," President Biden unveiled his administration's latest campaign strategy Wednesday: a time machine designed to transport voters back to "those four years we all try to forget." The device,...
Money News
Inflation So High, People Are Trading Money for Candy Bars at the Gas Station
In a shocking turn of events that economists, cashiers, and candy lovers all saw coming, America’s spiraling inflation has driven citizens to a new currency: candy bars. Yes, in a time when the U.S. dollar is practically indistinguishable from Monopoly money, a small but...
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Entertainment
Harry Styles to Run for President: Campaign Slogan ‘Treat People With Kindness’ (and a Watermelon Sugar Tax)
BREAKING: Harry Styles Announces Presidential Bid, Promises to Replace Electoral College with TikTok Dance-Offs INDIO,...
World news
Boris Johnson Announces New Political Party: ‘The Brexit Remorse Party’
LONDON—In a stunning turn of events that left political pundits speechless and hairdressers nationwide...
Entertainment
Kim Kardashian’s New Business Venture: A Kim Kardashian-Themed Escape Room
LOS ANGELES — In a groundbreaking fusion of reality TV entrepreneurship and immersive entertainment,...
Politics News
Majority of Voters Say They Want Change, Will Definitely Re-elect Same People in November
WASHINGTON — In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that has political analysts scratching...
Politics News
Nation Excited for Upcoming Election Season of Relentless Attack Ads and Family Division
In a surprising twist that has shocked pundits and pollsters alike, Americans across the...
World news
Kim Jong-un Opens New Theme Park Featuring ‘Rocket Roller Coaster’ and ‘Nuke N’ Chill’ Ride
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — In a move that has left the international community both...
World news
Putin Claims to Have Invented Time Travel to Explain Past Failures
MOSCOW—In a shocking turn of events that has left the international community baffled, Russian...
US
Biden Announces New Pet Rock Policy: ‘It’s Got More Brains Than Some Congressmen”
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented move to address congressional gridlock, President Joe Biden unveiled...
Science
Polar Bears Now Classified as Endangered… Species of Fish
ARCTIC CIRCLE — In an unprecedented move that has marine biologists scratching their heads...
Politics News
Bipartisanship Breakthrough: Both Parties Agree Public Has No Idea What’s Going On
WASHINGTON — In a historic display of unity that has shocked political observers, Democratic...
World news
Australia Bans Kangaroos from Hopping, Citing ‘Noise Pollution
CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA — In an unprecedented move that has marsupials hopping mad, the Australian...
US
Biden Announces New ‘Sniffing Tax’ to Fund Social Security
WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address the looming Social Security crisis, President...
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World news
Canada is sending the battleship ‘Margaret Trudeau’ to Ukraine
The Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has informed the citziens of Canada that he...
Entertainment
Apple Releases Severance: Workplace Edition, Removes All Fun
CUPERTINO, CA — In a bold move to strengthen corporate compliance and keep workplace...
Politics News
Steve Bannon Advocates for Trump’s Third Term
WASHINGTON— In a move that has both constitutional scholars and reality itself shaking their...
Politics News
Kash Patel Unveils ‘Top Secret’ Documents? Wikipedia what?
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking exposé that has left the intelligence community somewhere...