Claudia Aisani

Biden’s Secret Weapon: A Time Machine to Remind Voters of the Previous Administration

WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address what White House officials are calling "selective electoral amnesia," President Biden unveiled his administration's latest campaign strategy Wednesday: a time machine designed to transport voters back to "those four years we all try to forget." The device,...

Inflation So High, People Are Trading Money for Candy Bars at the Gas Station

In a shocking turn of events that economists, cashiers, and candy lovers all saw coming, America’s spiraling inflation has driven citizens to a new currency: candy bars. Yes, in a time when the U.S. dollar is practically indistinguishable from Monopoly money, a small but...
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Harry Styles to Run for President: Campaign Slogan ‘Treat People With Kindness’ (and a Watermelon Sugar Tax)

BREAKING: Harry Styles Announces Presidential Bid, Promises to Replace Electoral College with TikTok Dance-Offs INDIO,...

Boris Johnson Announces New Political Party: ‘The Brexit Remorse Party’

LONDON—In a stunning turn of events that left political pundits speechless and hairdressers nationwide...

Kim Kardashian’s New Business Venture: A Kim Kardashian-Themed Escape Room

LOS ANGELES — In a groundbreaking fusion of reality TV entrepreneurship and immersive entertainment,...

Majority of Voters Say They Want Change, Will Definitely Re-elect Same People in November

WASHINGTON — In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that has political analysts scratching...

Nation Excited for Upcoming Election Season of Relentless Attack Ads and Family Division

In a surprising twist that has shocked pundits and pollsters alike, Americans across the...

Kim Jong-un Opens New Theme Park Featuring ‘Rocket Roller Coaster’ and ‘Nuke N’ Chill’ Ride

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — In a move that has left the international community both...

Putin Claims to Have Invented Time Travel to Explain Past Failures

MOSCOW—In a shocking turn of events that has left the international community baffled, Russian...

Biden Announces New Pet Rock Policy: ‘It’s Got More Brains Than Some Congressmen”

WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented move to address congressional gridlock, President Joe Biden unveiled...

Polar Bears Now Classified as Endangered… Species of Fish

ARCTIC CIRCLE — In an unprecedented move that has marine biologists scratching their heads...

Bipartisanship Breakthrough: Both Parties Agree Public Has No Idea What’s Going On

WASHINGTON — In a historic display of unity that has shocked political observers, Democratic...

Australia Bans Kangaroos from Hopping, Citing ‘Noise Pollution

CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA — In an unprecedented move that has marsupials hopping mad, the Australian...

Biden Announces New ‘Sniffing Tax’ to Fund Social Security

WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address the looming Social Security crisis, President...
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Latest articles

White House Confirms: No More ‘Helicopter Parents’ Interfering in Dance Routines

WASHINGTON — In what's being hailed as a landmark victory for America's youth, the...

Economy in Shambles: Countries Now Trading in Memes and TikTok Likes

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM - In a move that economists are calling "the most creative economic...

Tsarukyan’s Back? More Like Tsarukyan’s Back OUT!

In a stunning display of athletic commitment that would make a porcelain doll wince,...

Saif Ali Khan Admits His Beard Has Final Say in All Movie Roles

MUMBAI — In a groundbreaking press conference that sent shockwaves through Bollywood, veteran actor...