Politics News
Biden’s Secret Weapon: A Time Machine to Remind Voters of the Previous Administration
WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address what White House officials are calling "selective electoral amnesia," President Biden unveiled his administration's latest campaign strategy Wednesday: a time machine designed to transport voters back to "those four years we all try to forget." The device,...
Money News
Inflation So High, People Are Trading Money for Candy Bars at the Gas Station
In a shocking turn of events that economists, cashiers, and candy lovers all saw coming, America’s spiraling inflation has driven citizens to a new currency: candy bars. Yes, in a time when the U.S. dollar is practically indistinguishable from Monopoly money, a small but...
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Science
Study Finds Lab Mice Tired of Being Used in Studies
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In an unprecedented development that has rocked the scientific community, a...
Football
Referee Apologizes for Calling Penalty on Player for ‘Excessive Celebration of Mediocrity
PHOENIX, AZ — In an emotional press conference that shook the foundations of professional...
World news
Pope Francis Announces New ‘Papal Swag’ Line: ‘Hats, T-Shirts, and Holy Water Bottles
VATICAN CITY — In a move that sent shockwaves through both religious and streetwear...
US
Supreme Court Rules in Favor of ‘Sentient’ AI, Grants Equal Rights and Netflix Subscription
WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking 6-3 decision that's already being hailed as the most...
US
Congress Passes Law Mandating Daily Naps for All Employees, Including the President
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented display of bipartisan cooperation, Congress passed the National Alertness...
World news
China Unveils New ‘Peacekeeper’ Drone: Comes with Built-in Tea Kettle
BEIJING — In what officials are calling a "revolutionary breakthrough in humanitarian surveillance," the...
Science
Biologists Create World’s First GMO Houseplant That Texts You When It Needs Water Plant
BOSTON—In what's being hailed as a breakthrough in both botanical science and passive-aggressive communication,...
Uncategorized
Taylor Swift Accused of Controlling Weather Patterns to Ensure Perfect Concert Conditions
NASHVILLE, TN — In a meteorological phenomenon that has weather experts both baffled and...
Politics News
Former President Goes Incognito, Discovers Americans Really Just Want Better Cup Holders
Washington D.C. - In what can only be described as the most tremendous undercover...
Politics News
Global Fact-Checking Industry in Crisis as Truth-Seekers Tap Out
In an unprecedented development that has rocked the information verification world, the International Federation...
Science
Lab-Grown Meat Scientists Accidentally Create Vegetable That Tastes Like Bacon
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In what's being called the worst scientific breakthrough of 2024, researchers...
Baseball
MLB Pitchers File Class-Action Lawsuit: New Pitch Clock Doesn’t Allow Enough Time To Adjust Cap 47 Times Between Throws
PHOENIX, AZ — In what's being described as "the greatest threat to baseball traditions...
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World news
Canada is sending the battleship ‘Margaret Trudeau’ to Ukraine
The Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has informed the citziens of Canada that he...
Entertainment
Apple Releases Severance: Workplace Edition, Removes All Fun
CUPERTINO, CA — In a bold move to strengthen corporate compliance and keep workplace...
Politics News
Steve Bannon Advocates for Trump’s Third Term
WASHINGTON— In a move that has both constitutional scholars and reality itself shaking their...
Politics News
Kash Patel Unveils ‘Top Secret’ Documents? Wikipedia what?
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking exposé that has left the intelligence community somewhere...