WASHINGTON D.C. – In a scene reminiscent of the lost city of Atlantis being unearthed, a group of Senators were observed this week engaging in a previously undocumented act: reading the very legislation they were about to pass. This shocking development has plunged the political world into chaos, raising questions about the very foundation of American democracy.
The incident occurred during a routine session of the Senate, where lawmakers were scheduled to rubber-stamp a massive infrastructure bill. However, as cameras panned across the chamber, viewers were treated to the unthinkable sight of Senator Mildred “Millie” Moneybags (R-Country Club) hunched over a thick stack of papers, her brow furrowed in concentration. Upon closer inspection, the papers were not, as one might expect, glossy campaign brochures or hastily scribbled talking points, but the actual bill itself.
Gasps rippled through the chamber like a rogue gust of wind in a tax shelter. Seasoned Senators, their faces etched with shock, clutched their pearls (or, in the case of Senator “Big” Bill Bigbucks (D-Private Jet), his wads of cash) in disbelief. Whispers of “unprecedented,” “radical,” and “dare I say… responsible?” echoed through the hallowed halls.
Experts warn that this newfound interest in the contents of legislation could have disastrous consequences. “Reading bills is a slippery slope,” cautioned political analyst Professor Pundit McTalkinghead. “It could lead to Senators actually understanding the impact of their votes, and that’s simply not how our system works.” Pundit further expressed concerns that Senators bogged down by reading might struggle to meet their daily quota of photo-ops and handshakes with lobbyists.
Meanwhile, the American public reacted with a mixture of confusion and, dare we say, hope. “This just doesn’t seem right,” said one bewildered citizen interviewed on the street. “Shouldn’t they be arguing about which flag lapel pin to wear instead?” Another citizen, a history buff claiming distant relation to Benjamin Franklin, cautiously mused, “Isn’t that… what they’re supposed to do?”
However, not everyone is happy about this seismic shift in the political landscape. “This is an outrage!” bellowed Mildred “Mad Money” Maloney (D-Hedge Fund), heiress to the “Maloney Makes Millions” fortune. “Imagine the horror! Informed decision-making could put a dent in my stock portfolio!” Ms. Maloney, a vocal proponent of surprise legislation and tax breaks for the wealthy, later clarified that her outrage stemmed solely from the potential for “unforeseen consequences,” which apparently translates to “slightly less money in my bank account.”
In a final, dramatic twist, cameras zooming in on Senator Moneybags revealed that the “legislation” she was so intently studying was not, in fact, the infrastructure bill, but a well-worn copy of “The Adventures of Captain Capitalism.” This development, while deeply disappointing, underscored the true absurdity of the situation. After all, wouldn’t it be more shocking, more newsworthy, to see a Senator actually reading the law they were about to implement?
The future of American politics remains uncertain. Will our elected officials continue down this dangerous path of reading, or will they revert to the tried-and-true methods of blind allegiance and special-interest pandering? Only time, and the next campaign cycle, will tell.
In the meantime, we urge concerned citizens to demand that their Senators spend more time reading comics and less time making laws. After all, laughter is the best medicine, and who knows, maybe a good superhero story can inspire them to actually fight for the people they represent. Use the hashtag #ReadMoreComics to let your voice be heard!
