Money News
Economy in Shambles: Countries Now Trading in Memes and TikTok Likes
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM - In a move that economists are calling "the most creative economic collapse yet," nations across the globe are abandoning traditional currencies in favor of a more volatile, yet infinitely more meme-able, market: the digital realm. Forget your dusty old euros and...
Money News
Crypto Scammers Hit Rock Bottom, Forced to Resort to Selling Actual Products
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a development that has left crypto bros scrambling for new ways to explain their ramen noodle diets, the era of the ingenious crypto scam appears to be over. After years of relentless innovation in the art of digital deception,...
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Money News
Stock Market Roller Coaster: Now with Loop-de-Loops and Inversions
Fasten your seatbelts, investors! The stock market, once a sedate carousel ride for the...
Money News
Prices Rising So Fast, You Can Watch Your Money Disappear Before Your Eyes
Remember the bygone era of 2023, when a measly twenty bucks could buy you...
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Federal Reserve Raises Interest Rates Again: Because Why Not?
In a move that surprised literally no one familiar with the concept of time,...
Money News
Dogecoin Investors Finally Realize They’re Not Actually Rich
As the digital currency plummets, investors face the harsh reality of their newfound poverty. In...
Money News
Nation’s Billionaires Explain: If You’re Poor, It’s Because You’re Not Lobbying Hard Enough
In a groundbreaking display of self-awareness that left economists speechless and bartenders mildly surprised,...
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Fed Delivers Lump of Coal With Latest Interest Rate Hike, Just in Time for Holiday Cheer
In a move guaranteed to inspire carols of despair and a nationwide sugar plum...
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Government Announces New Plan to Fight Inflation: Print More Money
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that has economists scrambling for their fainting couches...
Money News
Inflation So High, People Are Trading Money for Candy Bars at the Gas Station
In a shocking turn of events that economists, cashiers, and candy lovers all saw...
Money News
Investors Finally Realize They Should’ve Invested in Comic Books Instead
Forget Bitcoin. Forget Dogecoin (who could have predicted a meme about a Shiba Inu...
Money News
Treasury Department to Replace Dollar Bills with NFTs
In a move that's sure to leave your grandpa clutching his worn-out leather wallet,...
Money News
Government Announces New Stimulus Package: Free Candy and Temporary Tattoos
In a move that's sure to leave economists scratching their heads and children ecstatic,...
Money News
Wall Street Experts: ‘We Have No Idea What’s Going On
For decades, Wall Street has been a bastion of financial brilliance. Pinstriped prophets, armed...
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Tech
What did European ancestors look like?
Bonkers scientists have unearthed evidence of what the human landscape looked like 10,000 years...
World news
Zelenskyy’s War Strategy: One Man, One T-Shirt, Infinite Determination
KYIV—In a stunning shift in military strategy, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has announced that...
Science
Oarfish Sparks Doomsday Panic, But Officials Insist It’s Just an ‘Ugly Dolphin
Baja California Sur beach — A monstrous, eel-like creature measuring nearly 15 feet long...
US
FBI agents have captured one of Al-Qaeda’s sexiest female spies
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre has just informed the American public that members...