Politics News
Candace Owens Changed My Mind Again
NEW YORK — In what experts are calling “a groundbreaking step in performative ideological gymnastics,” conservative commentator Candace Owens has announced her latest television venture: Changed My Mind Again, a show dedicated entirely to Owens publicly revising her opinions in real-time, sometimes multiple times...
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Trump Demands Snoop Change Lyrics to ‘Drop It Like It’s Trump
PALM BEACH, FL—In a bold move that has already sent shockwaves through both the political and hip-hop communities, former President Donald Trump has officially announced that legendary rapper Snoop Dogg will headline his inauguration party, with one peculiar caveat: Snoop must rewrite his iconic...
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Politics News
Third-Party Candidate Announces Platform: ‘I Promise Not to Run for President Again
MANCHESTER, NH — In an unprecedented campaign announcement that has sent shockwaves through the...
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Congress Passes Bill to Replace Electoral College with TikTok Dance-Off
WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking move to modernize America's democratic process, Congress passed legislation...
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Local Gym Introduces ‘Procrastination Treadmill’ That Automatically Starts Tomorrow
In a groundbreaking move that will redefine the very concept of exercise, St. Petersburg's...
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Presidential Candidate Confirms: ‘I Will Definitely Be Fiscally Responsible With Your Hopes and Dreams
MANCHESTER, NH — Standing at a podium constructed entirely from recycled campaign promises, presidential...
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Debate Stage Collapses Under Weight of Attack Ads
(WASHINGTON D.C.) - In a development that surprised absolutely no one familiar with the...
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Kimberly Guilfoyle’s skimpy designer banana peel bikini swimsut is outselling, Britney’s, Kim’s, J.Lo’s, and Taylor’s
The World of Wacky Swimwear Weekly reports that the brand new Kimberly Guilfoyle Designer...
Politics News
Biden’s New Plan: A Nap and a Snack, and Maybe a Nap Later
WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking announcement that's being hailed as "the most comfortable policy...
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Biden’s Secret Weapon: A Time Machine to Remind Voters of the Previous Administration
WASHINGTON — In a bold move to address what White House officials are calling...
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Trump Announces New Reality Show: ‘The Apprentice: The Return of the Tangerine Tyrant
IN A TOTALLY REAL DEAL, TRUMP ANNOUNCES NEW REALITY SHOW FROM PRISON: 'THE APPRENTICE:...
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Political Ads Announce Candidate is ‘For the People,’ but Not ‘The People’ in Their District
LOCAL CANDIDATE PROUDLY 'FOR THE PEOPLE,' JUST NOT THESE SPECIFIC PEOPLE HERE SPRINGFIELD, IL —...
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Love Trumps All: The Secret Affair Between Kamala and Donald They Don’t Want You to Know
BREAKING: Love Trumps All - Secret Romance Between Political Titans Rocks Nation WASHINGTON — In...
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Trump’s New Campaign Slogan: ‘I’ll Make America Great Again… Or At Least Less Awful
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning departure from his trademark hyperbole, former President Donald...
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US
Charles Barkley says he drinks a case of Bud Light every day and adds F*ck da haters!
One of the greatest players to ever dribble a basketball, Charles Barkley, has said...
Tech
iPhone 16e’s ‘Eco Mode’ Only Works in Sunlight—Apple Calls It Innovation
CUPERTINO, CA—At Apple’s latest product launch event, CEO Tim Cook took the stage under...
Health News
Gen Z Discovers Ultimate Life Hack: Just Sleep Through the Struggle
NEW YORK — In what experts are calling “the logical conclusion of burnout culture,”...
Entertainment
Marvel Rivals Promises ‘Balanced Gameplay’—Then Adds a Literal Planet-Eating God
In a move that has left the gaming community in both awe and utter...