World news
Andrew Tate Launches ‘Top G Prison Survival 101’
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA — In a stunning move that no one asked for, self-proclaimed “Top G” and part-time legal defendant Andrew Tate has officially announced his latest educational endeavor: Top G Prison Survival 101—an online course designed to help “real men” maintain dominance while serving...
World news
Trump’s ‘Art of the Deal’ Notes Go Missing, Blames Zelensky for Lack of Evidence
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking turn of events that has left the international community both baffled and mildly amused, President Donald Trump has accused Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky of pilfering his sacred "Art of the Deal" notes. The alleged theft, which Trump claims...
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World news
UN Declares ‘Saying Sorry’ Sufficient Punishment for International War Crimes
GENEVA, Switzerland - In a move that's sure to revolutionize international power struggles, the...
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Nation Relieved To Discover ‘Interim Government’ Isn’t Actually Permanent This Time
In a rare show of cautious optimism, citizens nationwide are reportedly relieved that the...
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AI Chatbot Elected President of Small Nation, Promises to ‘Definitely Not Enslave Humanity
DIGITALIA—In a historic and normal democratic process, the small island nation of Digitalia made...
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Global Coffee Shortage Averted: Millennials Switch to Avocado Lattes
SEATTLE, WA - Just as the world braced itself for a dire caffeine apocalypse,...
World news
World Peace Achieved After Leaders Agree to Settle Disputes via Mario Kart Tournaments
In a stunning turn of events that has left political analysts scrambling for their...
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World’s Billionaires Pool Resources to Build Giant Money Bin, Hire Scrooge McDuck as Consultant
In a move that will surely inspire heartwarming tales of rags-to-riches and the unyielding...
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Boris Johnson Announces New Political Party: ‘The Brexit Remorse Party’
LONDON—In a stunning turn of events that left political pundits speechless and hairdressers nationwide...
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World Leaders Agree to Ban Clouds for Causing Too Much Shade
In a move that climatologists are calling "the dumbest thing I've heard since flat-Earthers...
World news
Greta Thunberg Announces ‘Climate Change Olympics’ Featuring Events Like ‘Glacier Melting Relay’ and ‘Sea Level Rise Hurdles’
Move over, Tokyo. Forget about Paris. Forget even about that time they held the...
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Kim Jong-un Opens New Theme Park Featuring ‘Rocket Roller Coaster’ and ‘Nuke N’ Chill’ Ride
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — In a move that has left the international community both...
World news
Scientists Discover New Ice Age Caused by Excessive Polar Bear Selfies
The world is experiencing an unprecedented cooling trend, with temperatures plummeting faster than a...
World news
Putin Claims to Have Invented Time Travel to Explain Past Failures
MOSCOW—In a shocking turn of events that has left the international community baffled, Russian...
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Sports
A 101-year-old Texas oil billionaire marries an extremely gorgeous 22-year-old Dallas Cowboys cheerleader
Sports Territory Magazine has just broken the story that one of the richest oilmen...
Sports
Major League Baseball will now issue fines to players who spit their chewing tobacco on the dugout floor
The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that MLB Commissioner Rob "The Man" Manfred is...
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The Franke Family’s Guide to Extreme Parenting: A Survival Reality Show
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In a shocking turn of events that has left...
Business
Nation Horrified by Sudden Realization They Can’t Spend Money for One Day
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a shocking turn of events that has left millions of...