STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – In a move that’s both innovative and deeply relatable, climate scientists around the world have swapped their picket signs and lab coats for a more subtle weapon: the passive-aggressive Post-It note. Tired of shouting into the void (and frankly, tired of the picket sign splinters), these exasperated experts have begun leaving pointed messages on the windshields of gas-guzzling SUVs.
“We figured, yelling about ice caps melting just isn’t cutting it anymore,” sighed Dr. Greta Thunberg-Ersatz, a leading climate scientist and noted Post-It connoisseur. “People seem more receptive to gentle reminders about their oversized carbon footprints, especially when they’re adorned with a cute little smiley face.”
These “sticky bombs” of environmental guilt are proving surprisingly effective. Early reports indicate a surge in existential dread amongst SUV owners, with many spotted muttering darkly about public transportation and the virtues of a good walk. Popular note messages include:
- “This car’s carbon footprint is larger than your wardrobe. Consider a capsule collection?” (Targeted at fashionistas with gargantuan SUVs)
- “Is this bad boy compensating for something? Asking for the polar bears.” (For the insecure drivers in oversized trucks)
- “Maybe consider a bike? Or a horse? Or a pogo stick? Literally anything else.” (Universal note for all gas guzzlers)
The impact has been undeniable. Social media is awash with photos of bemused SUV owners holding up their Post-It notes, sparking a viral debate about gas mileage and existential dread. #StickyTruth and #SUVShame are trending worldwide, with celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio Instagramming photos of their bicycles with witty captions (“This gets way better gas mileage”).
Naturally, not everyone is thrilled. Big Oil executives are reportedly experiencing a collective nervous breakdown, with stock prices plummeting faster than a deflating SUV tire. The auto industry, ever the picture of grace, has responded with a series of laughably transparent campaigns promoting the fuel efficiency of their “luxury tanks.”
But the scientists, emboldened by their newfound viral fame, are doubling down. “We’re thinking of branching out,” said Dr. Thunberg-Ersatz, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Maybe Post-It notes on private jets next? Or yachts? The possibilities are endless!”
So, the next time you see a climate scientist, don’t expect a fiery speech. Instead, be prepared for a fleeting smile and a small, brightly colored square of paper with a message that might sting more than a sunburn from a depleted ozone layer.
Call to Action:
Feeling the guilt? Join the movement! Get a pack of Post-It notes, unleash your inner passive-aggressive activist, and maybe even consider ditching the gas guzzler for a slightly less planet-killing form of transportation. Remember, folks, every little bit helps, especially if it comes with a cute smiley face. Just don’t blame us when your neighbor retaliates with a note about your excessive air conditioning usage. Because, let’s be honest, no one’s perfect. (Except maybe Denmark. Those guys are doing alright.)
Satire Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and does not reflect the actual views of climate scientists (who are probably way too busy trying to save the planet to engage in passive-aggressive warfare). But hey, if it gets people thinking, right? Now go forth and spread the sticky truth!
