Fast food giants across the USA love seeing all those drones in Ukraine dropping bombs on unsuspecting Russians sleeping in their tanks that they want in on the drone business too!
Preliminary tests are being done, and burgers and fries and tacos and buckets of chicken are being delivered at record speeds – can fast food get any faster? How about a drone jet! – and people are having a mixed reaction.
One lady, Mrs. Agnus Filbert, has a small pyramid of burgers leaning heavily on her front door. “I can’t hardly get out to get the paper in the morning,” she told this reporter. “I gotta hack and slash my way through all them burgers! Plus the goddamn seagulls! And the neighbor kids always wanting a free meal!”
One man, Dr. Milo Smilo, says, “I order a bucket of wings and they came sailing through my second story window – smashed the glass – luckily I was in the bathroom taking a big stinky [censored] at the time so it didn’t hit me. Who’s flying those robots?”
Who indeed? We asked an employee at a popular burger chain, who prefers not to be named, who IS flying the drones?
“Well, you see, you know what algorithms are? Yeah, me neither, I think it’s just a scapegoat word – it’s not us, it’s the algorithm. Well, for our robots, they follow something mathematical and digital and sometimes the same order goes out again and again and the robots only know to deliver – they don’t ask what the delivery consists of. So that’s why some people will get a ton of burgers at their front door. And, of course, if they don’t pay for them, our drones are programmed to call the cops.”
True enough. Another lady, Ms Elemeno Poo, has been arrested 15 times this months alone by cops who also do not think and just know how to arrest and beat people down to the ground, and are prohibited to question their superiors. Ms. Poo said she refuses to order the double-crusted buffalo chicken strips that show up at her front and back doors and which smash through every window in her home, especially those of her children.
She is quoted saying, “Those fast food joint are trying to kill me! This isn’t a war! Where do they get these stupid ideas? It’s all about saving money, right? People are dying and I’m getting arrested? I told the cops to arrest the restaurant manager – but the cops just beat the shit out of me and said I was ‘non-compliant’ and ‘resisting arrest’ and other catch-all phrases. Of course I was resisting arrest – I don’t want any more fucking chicken!”
Sometimes technology can run amok … and if it does … you get yourself a free bucket of crispy pork balls and your choice of dipping sauce! Act now, supplies are coming in fast and furious!
