Squid Game’ Creator Announces New Reality Show, ‘Squidward Game,’ Featuring the Adventures of a Depressed Sea Sponge

BREAKING: ‘Squid Game’ Creator Announces ‘Squidward Game,’ A Reality Show About Finding Joy In Perpetual Misery

SEOUL/BIKINI BOTTOM — In what critics are calling “the most ambitious crossover since depression met anxiety,” Netflix and Nickelodeon announced today that “Squid Game” creator Hwang Dong-hyuk will helm a groundbreaking new reality series titled “Squidward Game,” featuring contestants competing to match the profound despair of everyone’s favorite morose cephalopod.

The show, set to premiere during peak existential crisis hours, will follow 456 aspiring artists-slash-retail-workers as they navigate challenges designed to crush their spirits in increasingly creative ways. The grand prize? A one-bedroom apartment in the exclusive Tentacle Acres community and a lifetime supply of Krabby Patties – which they’ll be too dejected to enjoy.

“We wanted to capture the essence of what makes Squidward Tentacles such a relatable character – his soul-crushing job, failed artistic ambitions, and the perpetual torment of living next to optimism personified,” explained executive producer Sandy Cheeks, who joined the project after her underwater science career hit a predictable dead end.

Contestants will live in a massive reproduction of Squidward’s Easter Island head house, where they’ll be subjected to SpongeBob’s iconic laugh played on loop for 456 hours straight. “It’s like combining the psychological warfare of the original ‘Squid Game’ with the everyday torture of working in food service,” said showrunner Patrick Star, who reportedly got the job after accidentally eating the original producer.

Daily challenges include maintaining a straight face during SpongeBob’s jokes, perfecting interpretive dance routines while being heckled by a panel of art critics, and the dreaded “Opposite Day” elimination round, where contestants must convince Mr. Krabs to give them a raise. Players who show any sign of joy or satisfaction are immediately eliminated by a giant mechanical spatula.

“The beauty of ‘Squidward Game’ lies in its authenticity,” explained leading reality TV critic Fish Perkins. “Unlike other survival shows where contestants face death, these participants face something far worse – customer service shifts at the Krusty Krab during rush hour while trying to practice their clarinet solos.”

The show has already sparked controversy, with marine biologists questioning the psychological impact of forcing humans to live underwater in a pineapple-adjacent community. “We’ve had to remind several contestants that they cannot actually play the clarinet underwater,” admitted safety coordinator Pearl Krabs. “Though honestly, given the quality of Squidward’s playing, that might be for the best.”

In a surprising twist, leaked production notes reveal that SpongeBob SquarePants himself has infiltrated the competition wearing a convincing human costume. “His perpetual optimism has already caused three contestants to quit and pursue their backup careers as interpretive dance instructors,” reported an anonymous source who would only identify themselves as “definitely not Plankton in a trench coat.”

The final challenge will require remaining contestants to explain their abstract art to Patrick Star, who will serve as the head judge despite his well-documented inability to distinguish between fine art and a dropped ice cream cone.

Applications are now open for “aspiring depressed artists” who meet the rigorous eligibility requirements, including having failed art school at least twice, maintaining a minimum of three unfulfilled dreams, and possessing the ability to play the clarinet poorly enough to cause emotional damage but not poorly enough to be considered avant-garde.

“In this game, everyone loses – just like real life!” proclaimed the show’s tagline, which marketing executives insist tested well among focus groups of burnt-out millennials and Gen Z viewers who find existential dread relatable.

The show is set to premiere whenever everyone feels most vulnerable, exclusively on Netflix’s new “Crushed Dreams” streaming tier, which costs subscribers their last shred of dignity per month.

At press time, sources confirmed that the entire production is actually just security camera footage from the real Squidward’s daily life, edited to include dramatic zoom-ins and ominous clarinet music.