WASHINGTON— In a move that has both constitutional scholars and reality itself shaking their heads, former Trump strategist Steve Bannon has officially called for Donald Trump to serve a third term, arguing that “two terms were a good start, but America deserves the full experience.”
Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) over the weekend, Bannon unveiled what he called his “Make America Forever Trump” plan, a bold legal and spiritual argument for why presidential term limits should apply to mere mortals, not figures of divine historical significance. “Look, if George Washington could come back from the dead, you think we wouldn’t let him run again? Trump is our Washington—if Washington had better branding and a superior golf game,” Bannon proclaimed to a crowd that nodded solemnly, as though hearing the Gettysburg Address for the first time.
Rewriting History, the Bannon Way
Bannon’s argument hinges on what he describes as “a little-known section of the Constitution,” which, after intense scrutiny, appears to be the part where he spilled coffee on his pocket-sized copy of the document. According to Bannon, the Founding Fathers never explicitly forbade a third term—except for that pesky 22nd Amendment, which, in his words, was “probably written by deep-state communists anyway.”
“Nowhere in the Bible—or the parts of the Constitution I agree with—does it say the president can’t serve for life,” Bannon stated, before launching into a detailed plan involving parchment-burning ceremonies and a Trump-sponsored time machine to go back and “advise the Founders correctly.”
America’s Unfinished Trump Era
Bannon insists that two terms simply aren’t enough to fulfill Trump’s vision, listing several “unfinished projects” that require at least four to five more years:
- The Border Wall Expansion: To be upgraded from just the U.S.-Mexico border to surrounding the entire country, effectively turning America into a gated community with a $100 billion HOA fee.
- Full Control of the Media: Bannon dreams of a future where every news channel is a 24-hour Trump documentary series narrated by Sean Hannity, with an alternate version read by Kid Rock.
- Military Uniforms Redesigned in MAGA Colors: Because camo is “too sneaky,” according to Bannon.
Three-Term Alternatives: If the Constitution Won’t Budge
Should the Supreme Court refuse to crown Trump “President-for-Life,” Bannon has suggested a few backup plans:
- The Putin Playbook: Trump resigns for four years, lets Don Jr. run things, then miraculously returns “by popular demand.”
- Declare Florida a Sovereign Nation: The new “Republic of Mar-a-Lago” could operate under its own rules, granting Trump unlimited terms, tax breaks, and a standing army of retirees armed with golf clubs.
- Rebrand as “King” Instead of “President”: If America won’t let Trump be president again, perhaps he could be crowned instead. “A crown, a scepter, maybe a golden throne—we already have the color scheme, folks,” Bannon pitched.
Legal Experts Weigh In (While Crying Softly)
Legal scholars, constitutional historians, and anyone with a functioning memory of U.S. law have universally condemned Bannon’s plan. “This is not how any of this works,” said one exhausted Georgetown professor, rubbing his temples. “You can’t just wish amendments away.”
However, Bannon insists the courts are simply “too focused on boring rules” and should instead consider what he calls “the will of the real American people,” which, he clarified, refers exclusively to attendees of Trump rallies, users of Truth Social, and “that one guy at CPAC dressed as a bald eagle.”
The Call to Action: ‘Text TRUMP2028 to 1776!’
Bannon concluded his speech by announcing an official campaign to get Trump on the ballot in 2028, encouraging supporters to flood their state legislatures with demands to “bring back the best thing that ever happened to democracy: unlimited Trump.”
As the crowd erupted in chants of “Four more years! Six more years! Lifetime presidency!” a visibly moved Bannon wiped a single tear from his eye, later explaining that he had simply been sweating bourbon.
Political analysts say this movement is unlikely to gain legal traction but acknowledge that, in the current climate, anything is possible. As one CNN commentator put it, “At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if we wake up tomorrow and Mar-a-Lago has been declared a Vatican-style independent state.”
One thing is certain: Steve Bannon isn’t giving up, and America might just be along for the ride—whether it wants to be or not.
