The Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, has banned the drug Cialis which, as one of the justices in the majority wrote, “Basically makes horny old men into incessant boneheads.”
“Women,” noted Supreme Court Justice Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (one of seven female justices on the court), “just need a break, once they hit their eighties.”
The decision arose from a lower state court case in which a very tired, old woman (the plaintiff, 82) claimed that the popular drug caused her husband to be afflicted with Priapism, a condition causing an erection that could last for hours. The condition, she maintained, was not only injurious to her husband, but was exhausting for her, too.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, at 90, wrote in his minority opinion, “This is atrocious! Along with Big Pharma billionaire Eli Musket, my wife Ginny lobbied against this Bill from the beginning! (But I don’t know anything about that, of course.) However, from a personal view of view, both Ginny and I feel a real loss of sexual autonomy, now that this ban is law.” Added Justice Thomas, “Why, this is a modern-day lynching of Big Pharma!” (At which point an aide led the enfeebled, drooling old man back to his chambers.)
Samuel Alito, in a dissenting opinion, said, “Removing this drug from the market will deny men, in old age, the one real pleasure some of them are still capable of enjoying. This is contra naturam, against the very law of God.”
(Adjacent Press, June 24, 2040)
