Since Elon Musk can’t tell a joke to save his life, he is now trying to acquire more fame by doing things only a C-list celebrity would do to try to get back on top and be loved again.
He’s going to try and beat up another techno nerd who also wants publicity to be a “good guy” again. Billionaires don’t like to be criticized by the poor, after all, so it’s time for them to beat each other up!
Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, is ready to take on Elon in an octagon cage match, where they will both put on the gloves, hike up their satin shorts, and do a little Mohammad Ali dancing in the ring, to see which computer geek is the GREATEST!!
Seriously? Have you ever watched two nerds fight? Hilarious.
First, they have to take out their pocket protectors and calculators and Dungeons and Dragons maps and creased photos of the high school cheerleaders who called them nerds and made fun of their Adam’s apples … and then finally, they fight.
One throws a punch … and hurts his hand. Five-minute break, doctors in the corners of the ring checking the “fighters”, and lawyers are on phones waiting to sue (these are billionaire nerds, after all). Once they drink plenty of fluids so as not to get too dehydrated, check for nose bleeds and popped zits, they wobble on their oversized shoes again and trudge out into centre ring.
Elon swings a punch and hits himself in the side of the head! Almost a K-O!
Mark swings a hard left and it just keeps swinging and spinning until his feet leave the ground – and Mark has dropped himself to the mat beside Elon, who’s rubbing his sore ear and sniffling and thinking about building bigger and bigger rockets to take him farther away from his many Earth-bound enemies – to the moon, Alice!
Both fighters are down! The ref wants to call it, but he can’t stop laughing!
The audience is also laughing their asses off as Elon and Mark struggle up the ropes, pulling against their rubber legs and all that sweet laughter. They are both sweating heavily, and snot is running out of their nostrils – and Mark has just taken his inhaler!
There will be a ten-minute break while bruises and scrapes are heavily bandaged to make these “warriors” look impressive to the TV cameras.
Is anyone watching? Do we want this to go on? My stomach already hurts, and I’ve been farting as I laugh so I’ll take a bathroom break and come back to see if … wait, what’s this?
The fight is over!
No winner! No one is getting sued. Elon and Mark are both crying and their moms are on the phones pissed off and telling them to get home immediately, their dinners are getting cold – and their stock has plummeted!
And there you have it, another publicity stunt gone wrong.
Now if only Fox could create a show where computer billionaires fought tigers!
Can’t sue a tiger, Elon and Mark.
PS: the cheerleaders are still laughing at both of you looooooooosers!
